Here He Comes...Here Comes Speed Racer...- Fast Five

3 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels

Watch Trailer Here

This movie speeds along so fast, that even the subtitles are on steroids...and that is a true statement. I also see what great influence that the Oceans Eleven franchise has had on many a movie as I watched this one. Fast Five moves like a runaway train going downhill. 


There are a lot of unbelievable things in this movie, but unlike many other movies that I hope to hold a modicum of believability - when this one begins with a prisoner breakout by having a sports car not only stop in front of a bus filled with passengers, but to also be able to have enough holding power (and some mighty good breaks) that the bus crashes into...then OVER...the car, I was like, "Okay, believability is out the window, and we are all just here for the ride."


...and this isn't a ride to grandma's house.


Between the fast cars, the exotic locals, the beautiful women, the metro-sexuality of the men, the tight shirts worn by everyone, and the seductive lighting and makeup everyone has, I could have sworn I had stumbled upon the set of an Abercrombie & Finch or Calvin Klein photo shoot. Who cared about the actual plot of the movie. Fast Five...or is it Fast & Furious 5...or is it Fast & Furious 5:Rio Heist...or...or...whatever it is called doesn't need a plot when it's cast hits every demographic known on the Western Hemisphere (and since it is filmed in Rio - it hits the Southern Hemisphere too).


In short: Fast Five begins with Dominic (Van Diesel) being transported to prison via bus, but through the fast-car work of both Mia (Jordan Brewster) and Brian (Paul Walker), they manage to take an assault on the bus and break Dominic out - only to take him along to a job that involves stealing cars from a moving train. But there is a secret aboard one of the cars involving a drug lord in Rio, and the car that Mia takes has the secret. This theft is so publicly widespread, and those involved so exposed, that they have to go to Rio to a safehouse (despite any restrictions on criminals at any airport, bus station, boating dock...whatever...it all gets muddled), and have to figure out how to get enough money to just hide from society. 

You Gonna Let Me Lead...Or What!

And so we travel to Rio, where we meet Fast-Fivers from the past, who now want to steal the money the drug lords have, by stealing the bank vault that has their money; with Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson - The Rock) playing the cop, after them all. So we have international intrigue, with an international cast, on an international heist, for international currency (and given this countries economic bind, it is not a bad idea). All we have to do as an audience, is sit back, and enjoy the craziness we see, and because the cast is so eye-popping gorgeous, that we instantly connect with them cause our libidos are so high. I almost went into a tizzy when Vin Diesel and The Rock had a fight scene that reminded me a little of a very known scene in Interview with a Vampire - I won't say more...and then there is Mia - always in a tank top...really!


Overall...this is a Popcorn Movie - where all thought is abandoned, and the eyes and ears are filled with delight. The shots of Rio were like a postcard, and the actors are having so much fun, that it becomes infectious. We have back story, and we have action, we have fight scenes, and chase scenes, that seem like a delight (which is why I am assuming they have a disclaimer at the end of the movie that states...this should not be done at home). And please....you have to wait until the end to see everything, while the credits are over - which seems to be a trend in movies these days (Thor, Skyline), to understand why there may be yet a Fast Six. 


Soon they will hit double digits; can you say Five-Fifteen three times fast! (watch out Oceans, this fish is on your tail).

The (almost) Greatest Show On Earth - Water for Elephants

3 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels

See Trailer Here

The circus life is well...no circus. Water For Elephants is a movie that surprised me. Although it is suppose to be a love story - it becomes a story about many kinds of love; of who you are and what your destiny holds.

The title of this film is very off putting, and indeed, the beginning of this film gave me doubts altogether, because there were some unbelievable scenes that I just had to ignore in order to get past them. But once past, the story took off, not because of the love of the lead characters, but from the third-wheel that comes between them.

Water For Elephants begins in flashback, as Jacob Jankowski (Hal Holbrook) stumbles to a local circus as they are setting up, to wait for his son. While there he meets one of the workers, and they begin to talk about Jacob's life in the circus when he was much younger.

We travel back with Jacob (now Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame), where he is taken from a class at Cornell University where he is studying to be  veterinarian, only to learn the devastating news that both his parents were killed in a car accident - his funding has stopped. He leaves town to hop a train to a better future, and finds himself on a circus train owned by the Benzini Brothers heading out to their next gig.

Brown-nosing at the office

Why such an educated man, with well known parents didn't have other options in such a small town could be due to the depression era of 1931 - or the coincidence of him stumbling upon a circus train who happens to own an injured horse which he quickly diagnoses (a diagnosis that keeps him from being thrown off the train), or the discussion he has with the circus owner August (Christopher Waltz) on the rooftop of the moving trains...all were a stretch for me to believe, but the beauty and movement of the film at this point keeps one very captivated.

Then Jacob sees the owners wife, Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), and is in instant awe. He keeps his calm, until the moment she sees that he is as compassionate about animals as she, and they form a bond...and that bond in the mists of Authur's cruelty with both animal and human alike, causes these two to fall in love.

The love story is good, but it is truly the reaction of Authur (showing why Christopher Waltz deserved that Oscar for Inglorious Bastards), is what tugs and pulls the story into a direction that was very surprising. We see the circus through his eyes; how it is set up, the sacrifices of the people involved, the connection of the animals involved, the struggle and sacrifice in a time of poverty that one has to make in order to live any sort of life at all...and it is fascinating.

Then comes in the elephant Rosie. I have never known for an animal to appear so human before, and this humanity is what carries the audience in every scene she is in. She is the outsider dragged into a den of destruction and mayhem, and we sympathize with her, and how she is eventually treated. 

Water for Elephants is one of those movies you have to be ready for...it is not filled with a CGI, or explosives, or fantastic car chases. It has small elements of a classic, and if the union between Jacob and Marlena were ripe with biting dialogue, it would be; it would be an equal match for the bi-polar antics of Authur. Its like having sugar on a jalapeno.

If you want a break from the box office hype and hyperbole - then take this one. It's a little watered down, but its still a really big show.

Hellurrr...Hellurrr...is anyone home - Madeas Big Happy Family

2 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels

See Trailer Here

Jumping The Shark.


This is a Hollywood term (not normally referred to movies), when a show has reached a point of demise; where storylines, characters, and overall premise have downgraded to a point of no return from its ultimate destiny of just being bad...and eventually being cancelled.


Movies have a chance to redeem themselves by: the actors choosing a better role; writers creating a better script; a series going in a new direction (James Bond, Star Trek...). But when it comes to a franchise such as Tyler Perry's movies, where each movie refers to his other movies, you can easily track it's growth film by film - as well as its decline.

True Grits!

Most critics will not review a Tyler Perry movie. I may have mentioned this before, but the reason is because his movies are not cinematic events, they don't attract Oscar buzz nor are the actors given the best material to expand on their craft - and the direction is never challenging or new (with the exception of For Colored Girls). Madea's Big Happy Family is bent on being a comedy; and while Tyler Perry's stage plays are quite funny (rent one if you can), they rely on many elements that are perfect for stage, but not for movies.


On stage, there is no need for multiple sets, camera tricks, or musical scores to build tension, or a deep knowledge of the characters background; because it is mostly composed of a situation/resolution dynamic. Going to a play, the audience is instantly connected to the performance, because the actors are right there - we become part of the scene. In a movie, the audience has to be drawn into the world, then drawn into the characters, then drawn into their situation so we can connect emotionally to what's on screen. The only thing that connected for me in Madea's Big Happy Family...was my eyelids.

Bow Wow Wow...Yipeepo Yippiya

The ultimate premise of this movie is that Shirley (Loretta Devine)- the mother in this family - is given the news that she has an aggressive cancer. She wants to tell her family but is having a hard time getting them all together, because their lives too are filled with drama. She decides to call upon Madea to handle the getting-together...in a way that only Madea can.


The movie isn't and doesn't take itself seriously, but in comedy, you have to have some form of true-drama so the comedy stands out more - otherwise you just have slapstick. Tyler Perry is better than that, but with so many characters from his television shows appearing here, and some actors who have not acted on the big screen before, this feels like a movie made for a You-Tube Webisode than one for major theaters. I have to admit, when Madea is on screen I actually laughed the most; what was once shocking has become the norm, and we connect more with her as a real persona. Her situations and her Madea-isms are brash and can only be taken as humorous, but it feels as if everyone else is trying to compete (as if they didn't read the title of the movie to know who is the real boss here).  It is also known that Tyler Perry wants to move away from the Madea franchise, as he should, for this type of movie-making (although profitable), will not allow him to grow in his talents as other movies  (For Colored Girls, A Family That Prays Together) have seemed to do.


What this turns out to be is a debut of pretty boys and girls who get a chance to earn a paycheck, get some exposure, and ad to their resume. I have to give some credit in the fact that Tyler Perry creates a black world, and keeps it black. The actors are suffering with this dialogue, but at least they are acting, and we are glad to see they are. I am surprised with how Loretta Devine seems to be dialing the acting down, as if she was doing her performance half sleep (maybe they woke her up at a screening of this very movie), or maybe she is tired of playing the sick role - but her performance on Gray's Anatomy shines a lot brighter than this one.


With the main storyline involving a person with onset cancer, we have our drama, but Madeas Big Happy Family challenges us with other African American issues that are also serious, and instead of making them more serious, it is sugar coated with more comedy: Baby's Mamma Issues, Unemployment, Drug Dealing, Women to Men Spousal Abuse, Infertility, Child Discipline...all are topics in this movie, but the way Blacks struggle with them is never really addressed, and we end up laughing at them, or ignoring them. And with the lead character - where is the talk about Chemo, or the deep concern about finishing up personal goals, or even an emotional breakdown. If anyone in the audience had heard the same news as Shirley, we would not make a potluck our main focus (in the Black community, this news travels through the grapevine usually); so the audience is instantly disconnected.


And what happens when Shirley finally gets her family together, is upsetting in its delivery, because it never really delivers...but then maybe it was never meant to be. With so many characters, and so many made-up situations, and so many Madea-isms spilling all over the place, it would appear that this movie was more of a finale to the Madea franchise, and instead of a funeral, we are having a farewell party (with Lionsgates money no less)...and that the shark...or shall I say catfish...is more than ready to be jumped.

Dream a Little Dream of Me - Insidious

3 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels

See Trailer Here

In a world filled with horror movies built upon blood and gore - it was nice to see one at least tried to obtain its frights and shrills the old fashioned way. Insidious isn't perfect, but to see a horror film from the makers of the slash fest "SAW" series, I wasn't expecting much; and yet was quite surprised at a premise that appeared well laid out in its execution. The horrors come at you through slow pacing, quick camera angles, and sudden in-your-face images that catch you off guard.


Insidious reminded me a little of The Shining, sprinkled with a touch of Poltergeist, a smidgen of The Others, a dash of Paranormal Activity, and a spoonful of Drag Me To Hell - while it was not as classic as some of those may have been - it did have the right amount of the elements and plotting that kept my attention and managed to maintain and even level of suspense, with an interesting plot that was different from the norm. It was like a good student film to say the least.

Who You Gonna Call...!

The film starts off with a nice enough couple, Renia (Rose Byrne) and Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) having recently moved into their new home. Had the couple seen a few movies of this genre, they would realize that a house with this many windows, nooks and crannies, a dusty attic, and more rooms than a platoon of maids could clean, was bound to spell bad news from the day the realtor showed it to them. They move in with their two kids and one infant. This cute couple, with their overworked dad, and stressed out mom who finds it tough enough unpacking and feeding their kids, let alone taking care of a toddler. During one family moment, the oldest child Dalton (Ty Simpkins) decides to do what only movie-children will do, and that is to explore an empty and dark attic, all on his own. Well he falls off a ladder, and his cries alert the parents, who then send Dalton to bed that night assuming all is well.


But that next morning, they can't seem to awaken him, and take him to a hospital, where they are told he appears to be in a coma. Appears? The boy has brain activity, but something else is going on - and three months later, its still going on when they bring him home asleep in his faux-coma


That's when the fan gets hit with you-know-what. Shadows lurk within the house, footsteps are heard, and Renia hears other voices over the baby-monitor. When these strange occurrences happen closer and closer to her reality (they begin to hide less and less from her), she does something I thought I would never see in a movie about a haunted house...she gets the hell out!


At their new place, the happening are happening again - and during a visit by Josh's mother, Renia's fears are confirmed, for although Josh has seen nothing strange, his mother-in-law Lorraine (Barbara Hearshy - looking as if she just stepped off her Black Swan set and into this one) begins to experience some strange things too. She then illicits the help of a family friend Elise (Lin Shaye) to come bust up some ghosts; she brings along a pair of Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum helpers who lighten up the mood with some much needed comedy antics, and we finally get a clue on what the hell is going on.


As the trailer says..."It's not the house that is haunted. It's your son."


At this point the goose pimples have taken up residence on my arms and back, and while we understand what has happened to this family, the overall tension by what they now have to do to save themselves keeps the audience on edge until the very end of the film. The scares in the second half are kinds downgraded a bit, because we don't sense the danger to the family as much now as we did when we didn't know what was going on.


The character of Elise, the elderly ghost buster, is so determined in this film to fix things, that her emotions set the pace for the rest of the film, and if this wasn't a horror film, I would have expected her to have graduated from The Charles Xavier School for Gifted Children; She's a Bad..Mother-Shut Your Mouth - who isn't scared of any old nasty demonic spirits or ghostly-ghost types.


This whole film is a lot of fun, and very thrilling...and taught me a little about choosing my next home very, very carefully.