Here He Comes...Here Comes Speed Racer...- Fast Five

3 out of 5 Popcorn Kernels

Watch Trailer Here

This movie speeds along so fast, that even the subtitles are on steroids...and that is a true statement. I also see what great influence that the Oceans Eleven franchise has had on many a movie as I watched this one. Fast Five moves like a runaway train going downhill. 


There are a lot of unbelievable things in this movie, but unlike many other movies that I hope to hold a modicum of believability - when this one begins with a prisoner breakout by having a sports car not only stop in front of a bus filled with passengers, but to also be able to have enough holding power (and some mighty good breaks) that the bus crashes into...then OVER...the car, I was like, "Okay, believability is out the window, and we are all just here for the ride."


...and this isn't a ride to grandma's house.


Between the fast cars, the exotic locals, the beautiful women, the metro-sexuality of the men, the tight shirts worn by everyone, and the seductive lighting and makeup everyone has, I could have sworn I had stumbled upon the set of an Abercrombie & Finch or Calvin Klein photo shoot. Who cared about the actual plot of the movie. Fast Five...or is it Fast & Furious 5...or is it Fast & Furious 5:Rio Heist...or...or...whatever it is called doesn't need a plot when it's cast hits every demographic known on the Western Hemisphere (and since it is filmed in Rio - it hits the Southern Hemisphere too).


In short: Fast Five begins with Dominic (Van Diesel) being transported to prison via bus, but through the fast-car work of both Mia (Jordan Brewster) and Brian (Paul Walker), they manage to take an assault on the bus and break Dominic out - only to take him along to a job that involves stealing cars from a moving train. But there is a secret aboard one of the cars involving a drug lord in Rio, and the car that Mia takes has the secret. This theft is so publicly widespread, and those involved so exposed, that they have to go to Rio to a safehouse (despite any restrictions on criminals at any airport, bus station, boating dock...whatever...it all gets muddled), and have to figure out how to get enough money to just hide from society. 

You Gonna Let Me Lead...Or What!

And so we travel to Rio, where we meet Fast-Fivers from the past, who now want to steal the money the drug lords have, by stealing the bank vault that has their money; with Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson - The Rock) playing the cop, after them all. So we have international intrigue, with an international cast, on an international heist, for international currency (and given this countries economic bind, it is not a bad idea). All we have to do as an audience, is sit back, and enjoy the craziness we see, and because the cast is so eye-popping gorgeous, that we instantly connect with them cause our libidos are so high. I almost went into a tizzy when Vin Diesel and The Rock had a fight scene that reminded me a little of a very known scene in Interview with a Vampire - I won't say more...and then there is Mia - always in a tank top...really!


Overall...this is a Popcorn Movie - where all thought is abandoned, and the eyes and ears are filled with delight. The shots of Rio were like a postcard, and the actors are having so much fun, that it becomes infectious. We have back story, and we have action, we have fight scenes, and chase scenes, that seem like a delight (which is why I am assuming they have a disclaimer at the end of the movie that states...this should not be done at home). And please....you have to wait until the end to see everything, while the credits are over - which seems to be a trend in movies these days (Thor, Skyline), to understand why there may be yet a Fast Six. 


Soon they will hit double digits; can you say Five-Fifteen three times fast! (watch out Oceans, this fish is on your tail).